cause she's so fucking cool and i'm obsessed

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause you and I,
we were born to die

Lana Del Rey <3

being grateful part 2

What I want for this list is to go beyond the generics of things that I am grateful for.  Yes, I have food, water, shelter, a car, at least some money.  And I am really thankful for these things because I do understand that there are plenty of people in this world who lack.  But this list is not about the basics.  What I want to mention here are things that truly warm my heart.  Things that I can medidate on…  as an appreciation of life, this life, my life.

4.            My beautiful baby sister

She was the first friend I made in this world.  There are no words for the love I have for this girl.  She’s 21 years old, beautiful, intelligent, sensitive and so very strong.  She gets me.  She is the only person who truly knows me.  Just being around her calms me, soothes me.  She is my number one person.  The only true love of my life.

5.            The little things

Death enjoyed a scoop of peanut butter and she said that it was adorable.  There are plenty little enjoyable things.  Things that I find comforting.  Warm milk before going to bed chases the nightmares away.  And those little honey mustard lunchbox chicken strips at Woolworths… so nice.  A soft serve ice cream cone on a hot Sunday afternoon.  But of course, nothing beats a glass of dry and a lovely menthol cigarette.  Except maybe hugs.  Mmmm.. I do like hugs.

6.            The physical.

The ice blast that shoots through my body when I jump into a swimmingpool.  The sun burning my right arm as I hold the steering wheel when driving home to visit my parents.  The rhythm of my heartbeat in sync with both my breath and the house beat pumping in my ears when I’m running on the treadmill.  The adrenalin rush of kissing (a really good kisser – very nb) for the first time.  I like kisses too. :)  Physical sensations bring us to life.  <3    

Hey… I’m starting to think that my life could actually be pretty wonderful.  This could really work.  J

Thank you.

being grateful part 1

So at the (not so tender anymore) age of 26, I have recently endured yet another failed relationship and had to come to the realisation that I am about as far away from finding true love as one of Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters.  I am undergoing some family-related financial troubles, which has led me to yet again seek another cheaper apartment.  I started a new position at work in March and this has been overwhelmingly challenging and to top it all off - I am currently suffering from an intense case of laryngitis, just as I was about to spend a lovely long Easter weekend at the Vaal with friends.  Suffice it to say, life is not great at this very moment. 

So I’ve decided to make a list of things that I am grateful for.  To pick me up a bit.  To make me smile a bit, you know, on the inside, with my liver or whatever..  Looking at the bright side of life and all that.  I have to believe that I am blessed.  That I am at peace.  That I am ok.  And that things will get better.  OMG this sounds so fucking corny.  But hey, the alternative of getting embarrassingly wasted either by myself at home (pathetic Bridget Jones evenings) or in public (even worse for obvious reasons) has not been working out for me lately.  No big surprises there.  Although I have to say that it kinda used to work.. back in the early 20’s, but.. mmmm.. not so much anymore.

Ok, so let’s try this.

1.       Special friends – all of them so different. J

Ok, so I’m grateful for the handful of people, who have taken the time to talk to me or write me an email to encourage me after this horrendous breakup.  Keeping in mind that I have not been very well behaved over the past three weeks.  I had the boss with the serious “don’t fuck up your life, you have so much going for you” talk, (very needed, btw), I had the easy going friend with the “who gives a shit, don’t take yourself so seriously, you’re just having fun being single again” talk, which also helped as it calmed the guilt a bit. Thanks!  I had my soulsister talk along the lines of “if anyone gives you any shit, I’ll fuck them up” J  Love you bitch.  And then my sweet friend’s conversation that went something like this: “stop messing around with people who are bad for you, rather come out with us, then you’ll at least be safe”.  All this has made me realise that there really are people in this world who truly care about me.  I am grateful for this.

2.       A safe place

The one constant and stable thing in my life?  My job.  Who would’ve known?  It’s been there for over four years already.  You think any man has been in my life that long?  Not a chance.  A day at the office for me is spent with six of the most gorgeous, successful and incredibly diverse twenty something ladies that you will ever meet.  They exude energy, enthusiasm, humility, bravery and love every day.  My colleagues are angels, keeping me grounded and keeping me focused when time after time, my life seems to spiral out of control.  I love them dearly.

3.       Music

You are everything I need you to be.  You love me, you console me, you touch me.  You wrap around me, you flush right through me.  You scream when I am too weak, you whisper when I need something sweet.   You are light-hearted when I am too intense, you find me when I’m wandering in the wilderness.  You fill the awkward spaces in between, you make everything wonderful just burst at the seams.  You nourish me.  I love you.

Wow.. this kinda did make me smile.  Even made me rhyme, a little bit anyway…  I didn’t know it could get cornier. J  I bet I can think of more things..  This list shall be continued…

burning man

Burning man is a festival in Nevada where once a year, thousands of people from all over the world get together at Black Rock desert, set up camp and create what they call Black Rock City.

What makes this festival so unique is that they function like a city, where all the citizens participate in creating art through radical self-expression and inclusion.  They don't set up big stages with big, commercial shows during the day and night.  Everyone there is expected to create some form of art and to express themselves.  What I saw from the video and from the people there, is just pure freedom without judgement, loving friendships and a sense of community.  They have this festival for a week and then leave the area completely deserted again, as if nothing happened.

This video was shot at Burning man and it is possibly the most inspirational video I've ever watched. 

It must be such an amazing experience to be there.  I hope I get to go someday.

pictures i like

I like pictures that evoke emotion inside of me.

I also like pictures about fallen angels.

Maybe that's because I think I used to love one.

my panic room

I call it my panic room. From here, I can see everything around me on small to medium sized computer screens. In fact, I can see the whole world. I can also switch the cameras to view things from different angles if I want. I can turn the volume up If I want to hear what’s going on outside, I can also mute it, when it becomes too loud. I can press some buttons if I want to talk someone on the outside. I can send messages on various different portals. I can connect if I want. And If I don’t want to, then I don’t have to. Then I can just stay in here, within the confines of my panic room and scream.

I like it here.

baby blogger

Hello world,

It's my first blogpost today.

There, I did it.